Who needs 4 fingers!

Yesterday was a very hard day for me. I took Evan back to Children's to get his cast off. We were in a "cast room" with a lot of other kids and Evan was terrified of the commotion. And of course we were not treated in a timely fashion. They must be immune to the sound of a small child screaming. Finally, Dr. Hanel's resident came and took the cast off...

And then Evan and I saw it. The new hand. At first I was amazed at how much his finger now looked like a thumb. It was a thumb. And then the reality of it hit me. Three fingers, a thumb, and a lot of gruesome clumps and puffiness. I would have been OK, but I was immediately left alone with the responsibility of holding his hand steady while he thrashed around screaming. We waited for the doc to show up and I silently cried. The tears streamed down my face and I could do nothing, with one hand around his body and the other holding his hand. I am so thankful for the mother that came to bring me tissues and kind words.

I want to say that it's not fair. Not fair that I have to go through this and other mothers will never know, understand, or care what it's like to have a child with problems. But I stop myself in mid-thought every time. Because there are always other children who are worse off and I should thank my lucky stars. The next bed over from us was a newborn preemie with casts on her legs/arms. How horrible.

And in true Evan style, as soon as I took him out of that room, he ran up and down the hall while his splint was being made. Laughing and running, in no pain, and not caring about his hand at all. He was not upset about his hand. He just wanted out of that room. He was all smiles and is still smiling. All day today he has been looking at his hand and saying, "Hand!". We think maybe he thought he didn't have one anymore, since it was hidden in the cast.

The next weeks will be challenging for me, mostly because the healing of his wounds is freaking me out. But I think over time, when the swelling subsides and the wounds heal, Evan will have one heck of a hand. Tonight in the bath he folded his fingers down and we could see that he will be able to perfectly hold a stick. His old thumb was angled wrong and he would never be able to hold a stick with it. So we are happy, excited, scared, cautious, etc. Taking it one day at a time.

He will now wear a splint for three weeks except for baths. Then only at night. I will post better pics of his hand soon. Now if only Meli would stay healthy. This morning I took her in 'cause she has had high fevers and started holding her belly and she had to have a catheter to test her urine. Can I get a break over here!!