Looking Back...

I wanted to look back on my year with the babies before their birthday. This way their birthday can be only about happy stuff!

This past year was very happy for me. And very sad. And very happy again.

I will never forget waddling around that big. I will never forget the weight of my belly. I will never forget being asked, "how does Wednesday sound?", when we went in for our ultrasound on January 7th and it was determined they had to come out.

I will never forget the shakes during the operation, my blood spurting into the air, nor both my babies being held up in the OR lights and saying, "they both have red hair!"

I will never forget hardly feeling my own heartbeat, John having to push my legs off the bed for me to help or go to the bathroom, and watching John change our babies' first diapers. I will never forget when John left me alone with them to get something to eat and Evan wasn't breathing right. I will never forget running into the bathroom crying holding Amelia because the hospital staff would not stop scanning Evan's brain right infront of me. I will never forget that John told them enough is enough and to leave because they were upsetting me (my hero).

I will never forget Amelia's dramatic crying at only a month old or how wonderful that swing was!

I will never forget trying to get Evan to eat more than an ounce. I will never forget March 5th, when Evan was hospitalized for heart failure and having to learn how to feed him through a tube through his nose. I will never forget how tiny he was, all skin and bones. I will never forget him licking his pacifier the night before the operation and wanting to break down and drop to my knees.

I remember March 18th like it was yesterday. With mixed feelings, I let the anastesiologist carry him away, scared of the unknown, happy and forcing myself to be confident that he would be fixed.

And the rest is a blur! Just kidding. The rest of the year was challenging, with all of Evan's therapy and Amelia- well, Amelia is just challenging!

I will never forget all of the people that helped us out in time of need, especially the medical staff and NNMC, WRAMC, and National Children's, and fell in love with both of them (they come as a package).

My family came to help during the hard times and my mom is already making plans to help out again next year. I don't want to think about the hard times that may come next year. Or the year after. Back surgery (needed) and arm surgery (elective) may lay ahead. We are continuing to watch Evan for symptoms of tethered cord and kidney/bladder issues. He has now become a little boy with a huge personality and lots of kisses for mommy. Surgery is going to be so hard on me. Just signing the anastesiology "this could happen" consent form is going to kill me.

OK, that's enough depressing stuff. On to the fun day that is tomorrow!!

Here are a couple of recent pics for comic relief: