Get out of my way- Seriously!

In keeping with the theme of "Why does this always happen to me?", I thought I would talk about people and how they are always in my way while I'm pushing a ginormous double stroller around. Now, you would think that I would be in their way. Nope. Apparently, my double stroller became magnetized, possibly when going through airport security. As I push the stroller, idiots are sucked in front of me. I know this probably happens to you, too, so let's get it out there-

Why don't you get out of my way!! Here are some recent examples:

• The Slow Walkers: People like to get in front of me and walk really slow. Slower than me- PUSHING A DOUBLE STROLLER!! How is this possible? I was at the Navy hospital the other day and two women were walking side by side and wouldn't let me get around them. They were... so...slow.... No, there was nothing wrong with them. And because I wasn't in a hurry, I just walked behind them, all the way down the mile long hall. Do you not hear a stroller and two kids right behind your behinds? In a perfect world, I would be allowed to ram their buttocks with the stroller. (Sigh.)
  
  
• Shopping Cart Pushers: People, my shopping cart is a double stroller, not a huge plastic and metal cart. If you just have to get to the apples before me, please, there is a baby on the front of my cart. I cannot believe that people would risk hitting my son to get to a frickin' apple before me!
  
  
• The 6 Year Old Cart Pusher: If it was Friday afternoon and the grocery store packed, why was a lady letting her 6 year old push the cart! I know he's excited about it, but seriously? He was running into things, not steering straight. Of course I couldn't get around him and I was annoyed. So there, don't let your kids steer the dang cart if I'm around.
  
  
• The Diagonal Walker: If I'm pushing the stroller straight and people are coming toward me on the left, also walking straight, why would they all of a sudden start walking on a diagonal until they are in my way? This happens every day. I wish I were exaggerating. Is it because they all have one short leg? Does the mall have a slanted floor? That always slants toward me? Sometimes they act like they didn't see me and the giant stroller (???) and sometimes they force me to stop or swerve.
  
  
• The Matrix Training Program: Am I possibly in the Matrix training program? Why am I the one weaving in and out of people when I'm in a crowded place? I have started just pushing into people, or rather threatening to push into people, but still, no one wants to move for me, I have to move for them. Does this mean I am failing the Matrix program? I'm no Neo, that's for sure.
  
  
• Nordstrom Snobs: This did not happen once, but TWICE! See, how I open a door and get the stroller in involves two hands and a foot/leg. I get the front part of the stroller through, then I take my leg and push the door the rest of the way open as I continue to push the stroller. Would you believe that I have been made to keep the door open for Nordstrom customers WITH MY LEG?! They don't help me, I help them! The second lady even said, "Thanks." How nice!