Things I Wonder About

I just sat on a Mandarin orange and it squished onto my butt. How did that happen? Amelia must have chucked it about 4 feet.

What am I stepping on with my bare feet? Sometimes I can clearly tell it's pulverized Cheerios, but this time it's a little wet. Chewed on Cheerio? Mandarin orange?

What's that on my back? I've been out and about and back and in the mirror I see a chewed up piece of carbohydrate on my back. How long has it been there?

Are there any jeans left with no stains on them? I'd like to go out today without stains, but if I can't, I can't.

How long has this one area of hair been out of my ponytail? I look like a 1990 fashion statement.

How can I just forget to wear a coat? It's 45 degrees and I'm out shopping in short sleeves. I need to get my head outta my butt.

How is it possible that I've held my pee for this long? Even forgotten that peeing is something that I should be doing?

When is the last time I took a shower?

It's been 10 months since I've had my hair cut. How long can split ends get? Can they go all the way to my roots?!

OMG, is that a mouse? Eek!! Oh, wait, it's just a gigantic hairball from my cat that I haven't brushed in 9 months.

Eek!! Is that a mouse?? Oh, it's just that same hairball and I suffer from short-term memory issues.

Eek!!

What am I going to do when I can't use the fence anymore? How much does one of those invisible fence systems cost? KIDDING!!

And finally, why do I keep buying new flavors of Doritos when it's clear that Cool Ranch will always be my favorite?