My Boobs Ain't Yo' Biznass

I thought I had heard everything from people when I was out and about. Turns out there is a whole other set of comments and gestures that people make about twins starting in the eighth month. And a couple that are still asked even though they shouldn't be. At this point, I'm starting to get angry. I'm starting to turn that corner of being a B word back to them. I can feel it, anyway. Now, my friends know I have it in me, but to the outside world I'm actually very quiet. I feel sorry for the one who gets it from me- all that buildup. No I'm not.

Here is what I've experienced lately. Wow, I was trying to rank them and they are all equally bad to me!

1) The twin mom who insists on giving advice. I ran into a lady with twin 2 year olds, also a boy and a girl. First she told me that it is "Hell" when twins are 8 months. Then she went on about how much better it is when they are 2. Lastly, she told me, "Seriously, 8 months is just a shitty, shitty time." I don't feel that way about my 8 month olds. Boy I'm glad this lady said something or I wouldn't have known that I'm having a shitty time right now. Thank goodness! Wow, this is shitty! Twin parents of twins older than the twins of the mom you are giving advice to: STOP!

2) "Are they two boys?" I'm still floored by this. I personally think that Amelia is the cutest little girl. I think I get this because I put Evan in the front a lot and they look at him and don't look in the back at her. And she wears the cutest girl clothes, so I just don't know anymore. I am hoping to get up the courage to say, "Yes, two boys, but one is transgender."

3) "Are they twins?" I'm going to start saying, "No." Just let them figure out how stupid they are. They don't look 9 months apart. They obviously aren't identical (yes, I still get asked), so maybe they think that I decided to take in a foster child around the same time I had a baby of my own? Ooh! I'm going to use that one!

4) "Didge y'all cheat?" Can you believe this one? I've heard of people asking twin moms if they used fertility drugs, but it is even weirder when asked by a redneck loading a new twin stroller into your car.

5) Stepping in front of my stroller and forcing me to stop so they can look at the twins. Even worse? Not saying anything to me!! They usually say, "how cute"-with no eye contact- and then get on their way. I really need to just keep the stroller rolling and roll right into them.

6) A lady walked up to me a few weeks ago and asked if I was breastfeeding. What's worse is that she did it on purpose because I was feeding Amelia a bottle! She wanted to know why I wasn't anymore. Now I know I've bitched about this one before, but c'mon- is it really a shock that I'm not breastfeeding two 15 pounders? I hate people.

7) "Are you going to have any more?" Why do complete strangers ask this? What do they care? I find that there is no right answer for this. You can't tell the truth, because that would be a long drawn out answer. So I make up some short yes or no one-liner. I find that people are happier when I tell them "I'm done because I have a boy and a girl and now my life is complete". Whatever will get them away from me the fastest.

8) Last but not least is the event that really pissed me off good. It's not that bad, but it really got to me. I'm standing in line at the post office and there is a stupid lady (SL) behind me ogling at the twins. Here is our exact conversation:

SL: Is the girl younger?
Me: No, they are twins.
SL: Yeah, I know that (with attitude), but is the girl younger?
Me: You mean was she born later? Yeah, I guess (with attitude), like a minute if you call that younger.
SL: I knew it. I knew she was younger. I could tell.

This was my first experience of almost blowing it. What did she mean "younger"? Twins are the same age. I was just furious at how ignorant some idiots are. I came home and told John, called my sister, -it just got to me!