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| Putting on a Braveheart face- while my organs are being put back in. |
Two weeks ago Ingrid came into our lives. You would think because only one little baby was coming out there wouldn't be any crazy stories. Well, that's just not my style. The surgery itself was another "is this really happening" experience and the hospital stay was like a comedy show. Seriously, almost 24 hours later John and I were delirious with laughter on the things that had happened up to that point.
If you remember when I blogged about the twins' birth, it was all about blood and disembowelment. This time, however, was just about disembowelment. I almost think it was worse this time. The tugging of my organs went on FOREVER. I was just looking at John, mouthing "OMG, WTF" over and over. I, of course, had to joke around while drugged up nicely and say, "Freedom!!" (William Wallace) a couple of times. It's hard to explain. It's not direct pain, it is this internal tugging that feels like you are going to die. It is pain, but in a different way. And how is there tugging when the organs are going back
in? I was so freaking happy when it was over. It felt so good to have it over with that I thought the after/recovery pain was no big deal. The nurses kept telling me I was a rockstar. This is when I got the idea that maybe I could get out of there a day early.
Now on to the hospital stay itself. Anyone who has had a baby knows that you are not allowed to sleep because every hour (if you are lucky) a nurse comes in to check you or the baby. We had some bonus experiences to make our stay that much more enjoyable:
11pm: Nurse takes my vitals.
12am: Nursery nurse takes Ingrid for vitals and tests and says she will stay in there for the night. John argues that she can stay with us, that's why he is here. Approvals are needed, 45 minutes before we are told OK.
1am: Finally I am asleep. Wait, is that a zamboni? OMG, they are cleaning the floors with a zamboni? Yes, these poor women and babies having no freaking sleep. First sign this hospital is nutty.
1:30am: The zamboni comes back down the other side of the hall. FML.
2am: Ingrid comes back, really, it took that long? Now I have to try and nurse her again.
3am: Time for my vitals again.
4am: Time for Ingrid's vitals.
5am: Time to feed Ingrid.
6am: Lab staff, time to take my blood.
7am: Nurse comes to help me take a shower, take out catheter- youch! Vitals.
7:30am: At the top of her lungs: "Hi, I'm from the business department, I'm here to make sure your address is correct." Really?! We are all sleeping and you are two feet from my newborn!
7:45am: "Nutrition service! Can we come in to give you your breakfast tray?" Dressed in bow-ties these people. Nutrution Service? Are they feeding patients soilent green?
8:00am: Time to feed Ingrid.
8:30am: The cleaning lady comes and stands in the middle of the room. "Can I clean your room now?" I looked at her with shock and told her, "Um, No? My husband and newborn are sleeping. I
was sleeping." Holy Sh%#!!
9:00am: Ingrid vitals.
9:30am: A nurse comes in to confirm the birth certificate information.
10am: A loud drilling noise fills the room and in the hallway, the walls are shaking. I have given up and am up walking around. This is the point where John and I are uncontrollably laughing. We have made the decision now to get the hell out of this place a day early if I am allowed.
and so on... A couple of more highlights:
5pm: I chose the dinner of "Penne pasta with meat sauce". What I got for dinner was "Canned mushrooms on Penne pasta with a little sauce and meat". Gee, thanks, @$$holes.
5:30pm: John goes to get me a chocolate milkshake from the hospital cafe to lift my spirits. All the local women who have given birth here rave about this milkshake. It was good and all, not Haagen Dazs or anything. John tells me the secret ingredients are...drumroll...: Chocolate ice cream and a tiny milk carton of 1% milk they sell there. You have been duped, ladies!!!
Now, introducing our little Ingrid, 7 lbs 5 ozs, 2 lbs heavier than the twins were:
